These are but vain attempts to express, by one who wears her heart on her sleeve. Words, much like love, can be ever elusive... ever frustrating... like trying to paint a million stories on a single canvass. If you will read, please do not ask. Just feel. Or at least try to. The meaning is, whatever you have felt to be there, or the lack thereof :)

I HATE YOU! (number 1)

I would like to hate you. Because you’re someone who would never easily surrender, and who I’d never want to do so – no matter how many times I call or claim you, as “mine.” But it’s actually fine. I myself have plans of doing that. Still, I would like to hate you because you are someone I would like to come home to and yet there is no way I’d be able to tell that if I did, I haven’t just lost my way….

I would like to hate you because I want to remain this way – independent, free. Yet how I hate every moment that I don’t have your hand to slip mine into whenever I feel like being protectively guided or led away just like the little girl that I will always remain to be so, nor to be enclosed in your warmth, just because.

I would like to hate you because I do not know you. I guess you too do not yet have an idea as to who I am. Are you even here yet or around some nearby corner? If not, when will you come? I hate waiting! Really!

I long to surrender while insisting to be on my own. I hate this, and yes, I guess I do hate you… because you are not here yet for me to hate… nor to love with all that I am.

I actually feel that I am wasting away and I hate you, and myself, for it.
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