These are but vain attempts to express, by one who wears her heart on her sleeve. Words, much like love, can be ever elusive... ever frustrating... like trying to paint a million stories on a single canvass. If you will read, please do not ask. Just feel. Or at least try to. The meaning is, whatever you have felt to be there, or the lack thereof :)

Anathema



I call you ‘Ice’
Because only you dared meet my warmth
With frozen indifference
Was it my fault?
Should have never denied you my name
So I could still say yours.
But it‘s done.
You’re not frozen
Anymore
But I don’t exist.

So be it.

2002 July 23

Coda.



Now my journey is almost done
The seven bucks spent, already gone
Unlike yours which you never did spend
Kept safe in your pocket from start to end

Selfish, you’re not
I guess you’re just wise
Unlike foolish me, a ‘martyr’ in disguise
I can never break rules
Just like you do
Am always too sensitive
I ought to have followed you
I’ll just take my leave now
Drag my feet home to rest
Should have known, should have known
Can’t always have the best

So goodbye to you
A period I’m gonna put here
To mark the end of my journey
Before I finally disappear.

2002 July 23

Long Distance.



If only in my dreams, please hold me.
Let me feel the warmth of you.
Repeat the words that say I'm precious.
Make me believe that I am loved too.

Even if you are that far,
Please reach out and comfort me.
Let your spirit bridge time and distance
And save me from this misery.

So anguished, I cannot keep from crying out
I'm sorry if I cannot face this alone.
I need you, so please stay and hold me,
Even if in truth, I'm but on my own.


- 19th July 2002

Fairytale



And I found you –
Myself staring back at me
Through different eyes
Didn’t realize the connection;
The reflection being not one, yet the same
Just felt the cosmic pull
And fell
And started to care

So where to now
With my deflated balloon?
You couldn’t see what it was that I have given
And I thought the stars have returned to their old waltz
It’s but to a different tune that they’re now dancing

Should I,
Could I just turn away
And let the image fade into oblivion?
Within and without
I feel imprisoned
These walls, I yearn to break free from


2002 July 19

Unclaimed.



I left a package for you
At the counter of life’s store
Nothing fancy -
A plain parcel wrapped in brown paper

I wonder if that is the reason why
It has been there for some time
And it seems to me that you have no intention
Of ever laying claim

How would you know what’s inside?
Just how could you appreciate?
Unless you open it
And see my priceless gift
Of self

2002 July 08

Ice.



All the world has known
Still you haven’t heard
All the world has seen
Still you haven’t noticed
All the world has felt
Still you haven’t responded
And all the world will start to forget
Still you haven’t known.

2002 July 6

Vivid.



Soaring free.
Enduring horrors.
Breathing in beauty…

Because words don’t exist.
Only pictures.
Forever inscribed,
And from time to time remembered.

6th July 2002

Afflicted.



I am ridden
With wanting something I can never have.
Reaching
For something that’s way farther than I ever expected.

So slowly I shall unclasp
My fingers ‘round that which never was.
With closed eyes, I will cut
The string which never did really bind

I am again letting go
Of something which has never been mine.
I am again gathering
These nearly-scattered pieces of self
Back to the core of me

2002  July 04
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