These are but vain attempts to express, by one who wears her heart on her sleeve. Words, much like love, can be ever elusive... ever frustrating... like trying to paint a million stories on a single canvass. If you will read, please do not ask. Just feel. Or at least try to. The meaning is, whatever you have felt to be there, or the lack thereof :)

The 23rd.


It's time to count my blessings
As I say 'farewell' to you
As I thank you for the memories of the last four years
For the knowledge that you've loved me too

Past are the days that I have cried
Coz I wrongly thought you no longer cared
Still those were the times I learned much of myself
Especially when through it all, the love remained

I've learned to overcome my fears
To bravely say what I've been honestly feeling
I have learned what faith is all about
Of remaining true despite the suffering

I've learned to hold on even though it had seemed
There's nothing more left to believe in
In facing the pain, I came to find strength
To hope when there's no longer hope of healing

So now I am reaching out to thank you
For everything you taught me to be
Because of you, I am forever changed
Into a stronger and better me

For all these, I wish I could be your angel
But I can only be your lifetime buddy
Promise, I shall always be here for you
My dearest friend, mi mon ami


-21st April 2002

Final Answer.


I never got to say the right words
Never knew if you did rightly understand
Worse, I never savored your comforting warmth
Even pulled away when you tried to hold my hand

I'm sorry for those things I never got to say to you
I'm sorry for everything we never got to do
After all that has happened, after asking all those 'whys'
I know now that I can only say
'So long' but not 'Goodbye’

I have asked for a period
Instead I was given three
After all this time, it's still
Between an I.L.U. , buddy


- 21st April 2002

Infinite.


Not until FOREVER
Because forever is NOW.
Not until
 I've concluded
For no conclusion is   
   forthcoming.
Not 'til you've gone
For you will always
               be here
     WITHIN.


-21st April 2002

Dumb.


Silence could only stretch so far
And I'm beginning to
Hate you
For your closed lips
Your unyielding wall
Your unbridgeable distance

Is it,
Were it,
All true?

Really dumb,
Are you?!


-19th April 2002

Porcelain.

***
Amor Vincit Omnia...
***

In between dreams
Amid the rush of pure thought
Came a flashing insight,
a jolting reminder
That I have held a priceless truth
In fragility and preciousness,
unsurpassed

Strengthened by faith
though been unbelieving
Sustained by courage
despite the bleeding scars
Like a phoenix rising
from the ashes of destruction
Had weakened, had faltered
but rallied again.

Though been submerged
in salty waters
Undamaged it was,
but thoroughly cleaned
Purified by sacrifice of a heart broken
Glazed brilliance enhanced
As only enduring love can

Out of the shadows
from whence it came
Blissful sunshine
poured forth in triumph
No more the hazy, confusing darkness
Only crystal truth,
as it always has been.

- 14th April 2002

Dedication page: The Book of The Fallen

dedication:

‘Light me a candle,
SEND ME A BLUEBIRD,
and a thousand monarch butterflies.’


----

One does not become enlightened
by imagining figures of light
But by making the darkness conscious.

C. G. JUNG

-----------

AZRIEL,
The Servant of the Bones

“ Anger is a confusing force and hatred is blinding”

The Servant of the Bones, Anne Rice, Bantam Books, c1996

Cretin



… ang tawag ko sa ‘yo
Alam mo kung bakit?
K’se ang tanga-tanga mo
Masama pa niyan, hindi ka aware
Sa kakulangan ng iyong I.Q.

Kung puwede nga lang magpahiram ng utak
Matagal ko nang ginawa
Kaysa makita kang katawa-tawa
At mukhang kawa-awa

Pero ayos lang, palibhasa kasi
Konti pa lang ang nakakabuko
Kaya akala mo okey lang talagang
Nagpapaikot ka ng tao.

Hindi mo ba alam, at least man lang
Dapat babawi ka sa character
Pero ni hindi mo gets ang meaning ng ‘integrity’
Ano ka ba’ng klaseng monster ?!

2002 April 2
Galit ako dahil nawala ang address book ko! Grrr!
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