These are but vain attempts to express, by one who wears her heart on her sleeve. Words, much like love, can be ever elusive... ever frustrating... like trying to paint a million stories on a single canvass. If you will read, please do not ask. Just feel. Or at least try to. The meaning is, whatever you have felt to be there, or the lack thereof :)

Monsieur De Lioncourt


You've loved Gretchen
You've loved Dora
Why don't you love me too?
Even if it's only for my blood;
For this throbbing mass I call 'heart'
Or just for my human fragility.

Come out and lead me
To follow the soundless echo of your footsteps,
Take me to Stillness
Or to wherever your soul,
in its immortal restlessness,
may beckon.

I'd rather be with you
Than be alone in this Savage Garden
With someone who
Doesn't want
And simply has no need
Of me.

…come out, come out, wherever you are….
(A Summons!)
28th March 2002

Monsieur De Lioncourt (a summons)

 
You've loved Gretchen.
You've loved Dora.
Why don't you love me too?
Even if it's only for my blood;
For this throbbing mass I call 'heart'
Or just for my human fragility.

Come out and lead me
To follow the soundless echo of your footsteps,
Take me to Stillness
Or to wherever your soul,
    in its immortal restlessness,
may beckon.

I'd rather be with you
Than be alone in this Savage Garden
With someone who
Doesn't want
And simply has no need
Of me.


…come out, come out, wherever you are….
28th March 2002

My Song


In you I saw myself
A child, lonely and lost
Yearning for a hand to hold
A shoulder to cry on to

So I held your hand
To drive the coldness from mine
Drew you close and wiped your tears
That I may feel a little less lonely

And they ask me why
Why do I feel this way for you
What's the difference between falling in love
And loving you

Perhaps they wouldn't understand
Perhaps you wouldn't too
But hear me now as I say this
What I want for myself, I do for you

- MY SONG
23rd March 2002

Fast Forward.


I long for this nightmare to be over
That I may be able to start anew
Can't get over the sad reality
That I'm on the verge of losing you

If holding on tight could only make a difference
I'll hold you fast and not let go
But fate is a nemesis that's way beyond me
A strong current over which I've no power to stop the flow

Can't we just skip over this chapter?
I'm afraid I can no longer carry on the fight
I'm finding it hard to breathe in these shadows
Can't I simply wake up to a new morning's light?

But the immediate tomorrow
  would only bring fresh wounds
It will be hard to get by knowing you're gone
Still, those thousand miles
    won't keep this self from assuring
That in this heart you will always have a home.

-18th March 2002

Still.


I can't take back what I have given
And if I could, I'd give it all again to you
From everything else,
You're already forgiven
Even if it means exposing my other cheek too

This love, I know, I can never question
It doesn't need any rights to be justified
And only you could stop the floodwaters from coming
Along with the millions I've already cried.


-17th March 2002

Blackhole.


Return.
Patch up this gaping hole you have created
Its draining me;
Drawing out all remaining energy

So bad, I can't go on
Know I might collapse
Till you've placed the last stitches
Back on.

- 17th March 2002

As requested.



I’m at a loss.
Seeking out into the farthest corners of my mind
Not for a rhyme
Nor for poetic inspiration
But for the simplest words that would let you know how humbled I am
With what you have confronted me with.

You were right,
I guess
And only two words could echo the cry of my heart –
I’M SORRY.

2002  March 12

*for Borj's angry girlfriend

To where the grass is greener



Fly away and leave us be
You’ve dreamt of this journey for so long
Traverse the miles that keep you from
The land where, so they say, the grass is greener

Follow the path that millions took
Look forward to the reality of dreams
Bid goodbye to this dirty nook
Of poverty and harsh living

But this is home
And we trust it will always be home for you
Unless your heart take root
And grow deeply in that far away land

Go then.
But look back from time to time
Remember us and come back
If you can wrench yourself away
From the charms, the life, the hold
Of the land where they say the grass is greener.



2002 March 7
For friends who have gone overseas

My Heart Grieves.


Coldness gripped me like a vise
For once everything seemed still
Not one sound I could hear except
The frantic rush of my blood

Yet I could not feel a thing
But the finality of numbing sorrow
And I began to choke on
A flood of tears that won't fall

You are indeed kryptonite
I feel I've no more strength to spare and affection to give
What I had, you have taken -
Without replenishing the spring,
Down
To the Last Drop.

-   7th March 2002

he taught me how it is to feel a heart-numbing, tear-freezing coldness...and to this day, i can still feel this very exact moment...

Early Summer.

***
remembering being told that he is leaving within the month...
***


My heart is leaden
Stiff from drying isolation.
Parched earth
Seeking for a spell of rain;
For an answer that wouldn't come.

My heart is cracked from desolation
Yet heavy with salty
And  ncondensed water drops
Which may fall
Unbidden.

(Ruminations #3)7th March 2002

Early Summer

 
My heart is leaden.
Stiff from drying isolation.
Parched earth
Seeking for a spell of rain;
For an answer that wouldn’t come.

My heart is cracked
From desolation
Yet heavy with salty and uncondensed water drops
Which may fall
Unbidden.


 7th March 2002

Suicide.

Was safe inside the deadly calm
Of the tornado’s eye
But chose to dive into the frenzied winds –
Their shrieking chorus
At one with my anguish.

More than tossed,
Was battered,
Bruised.
Could have easily surrendered to
The inevitable catastrophe;
To silence.


But as the storm was destructive,
So was my will equally strong –
Indomitable
And again I found the calm.

This time, with it
Was blessed sunshine.


03.04.02
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