These are but vain attempts to express, by one who wears her heart on her sleeve. Words, much like love, can be ever elusive... ever frustrating... like trying to paint a million stories on a single canvass. If you will read, please do not ask. Just feel. Or at least try to. The meaning is, whatever you have felt to be there, or the lack thereof :)

the sky is falling.

 
The sky has turned purplish grey
And somewhere along the horizon
Lightning pierces the air.
Thunder rolls
And the ensuing silence that signals
the imminent storm
Matches the dread that’s in your heart.
Then the rain comes
In torrents
Just like your tears…

So this is how it feels -
Having no refuge
Crying your heart out because of some unbearable ache
That wouldn’t go away
No matter how hard you convince yourself that
Everything is going to be
Alright.
Because it simply hurts so much.


30th November 2001

For lack of a better term



I wanted so much to tell you
How much you mean to me
But then I just might scare you
I can lose you easily

I have nothing to hold on to.
Nothing to shield me from pain
I feel so exposed now.
This love, I deny, in vain.

How can I even fight it
When I can’t help but respond to your cry?
It is all beyond reach of my reason
Can’t just ignore it, though hard I try.

2001 November 22

"So many questions" daw!



Nah, I give up!
Gonna just enjoy the ride
And see what treasures I can find on this riverside
Coz what’s the use of questioning
When from the start, the battle’s been half-won
What’s the point in resisting
When I can just give up and have fun

Now, all doubts I have within
My Lord, I’m surrendering them all to you
Taking comfort in the knowledge that through every pain
You’ve been my Bestfriend, constant and true
Bless me Lord. Guide my heart.
Let me not hesitate in opening doors.
Reassure me and please strengthen my faith.
This boat I’m in, please lead to it’s proper course.

2001 November 21

Boredome blues #3


Yup, waiting na naman
Pa’no maaga kaming na-dismiss
Maaga rin k’se siyang natapos
Nang discussion ng class policies

Anyway, may Lib card na ulit ako
Meaning I can borrow books again
Nga pala, while I’m writing this
I’m munching on M&Ms
Wala, nabanggit ko lang
Kse nga ‘alang masabi
Sa sobrang dami ng thoughts sa utak ko
Mag-ooverload na yata, grabe
But at least, allow me to mention
Kung sino-sinong stars sa isip ko ngayon
Si Papa, si Joe, si Allen
(Para ba’ng mga kampon?)
He,he, pero kidding aside
Imi-meet ko pala si Jemma ngayon
Then assigns, meetings, appointments
And marami pang iba, bukod do’n

(2ND SEM, 2001-2002)

20th November 2001, 9:30 am / ILS Hall

Faultline



You were part of a chapter I’ve already left behind
A period I’ve put there marks the end of the line
But now you’re here again, knocking at my heart
Acting like you’d like to be a part of it
Impatient for a new story to start.

Tell me, are you for real?
Do you really want to be my friend
Haven’t I told you before of what you could do
If you would but make the smallest lie, or pretend?
If that’s all what this is about
I want no part of your game
I’d rather that you leave me alone.
I’m not in shape now to delve into more pain.

Go away, wandering spirit
Don’t win me over with that seeming openness on your part
You’re not far from impressing me
Later I just might end up with a broken heart
I’ve loved you then, still love you now
Though it is but a cherished memory
If you succeed, I’ll just love you more
And at the same time, be wallowing in misery.

2001 November 19

Boredom blues #2



Di rin tamad ‘tong teacher ko
Pasimple pa ang g_ __o
Darating-dating ng late
Sabay sabing he’ll always expect us to wait
For him at least until clock strikes 9
Ba! Tingin niya sa sarili niya  ‘divine’
Instructor for whom we’ll have to wait upon?
Nah, more like someone na magaling mang-indiyan
No, don’t get me wrong
It’s not like that I don’t like him
Pinagdidiskitahan ko lang
Coz medyo groggy pa ang aking gising
Sabay sobra sa madali
Yun pala, wala rin
Pag nakabawi ako ng tulog,
Then I’ll forgive him.


(2ND SEM, 2001-2002)

19th November 2001, 8:10 am / PH221

Bneath an acacia 3ee



If I could, why should I give the world to you?
To prove that I’m loyal and indeed true?
To let you know I’m really a friend
Someone to count on til the end.

If it’s mine, why should I give the world to you
When I  need no proof of my honesty
When all the evidences lie in your heart –
You trust, your faith, your affection for me.

And even if I have it to give
I wouldn’t give the world to you
For all that stands for is naught compared
To my sincerity, my respect, my love for you.

2001 November 19  
for Joe-giennyl Betayo's 16th birthday

Boredom blues #1



Heto ako ngayon, nakaupo
At kung anu-ano ang iniisip
Habang nakayuko’t pinagmamasdan
Ang mga filters ng  Malboro’t Phillip
Alright! Another set of blues
Though not borne of another dilemma
Eh di ba nga, tulad ng dati
Nagsusulat ako kse walang magawa?
Although this time, deins na sa lib
Sa Sunken na ‘ko nagmumukmok
Buti na nga lang at this particular minute
Deins ako inaantok!
Or else I’ll be tempted to lie down
Sarap ‘kse ng hangin ditto,
Presko, sarap tumambay
Kahit pati pang-upo ko’y nababato

Okei lang, sanay na naman
Although kainis pa rin
Coz hanggang ngayon ‘ala pa ring pang-lunch
Really, sobra ako kung malasin.



(2ND SEM, 2001-2002)

19th November 2001, 12:35 pm / Sunken’s edge

If ever you'll ask why.


Because I'm no longer secure
In what I used to share with you
Because you're no longer the sensitive fellow
I used to entrust myself to
Because I used to forget my cares and am happy
Whenever I spend time with you
But now I often find myself wondering
If you're only going through the motions, or being true
Because things no longer are the way they were
Because in my every reminiscences
I often use the phrase "used to"
Most of all, because I already miss
The friend I used to have in you.


16TH November 2001

Unaccounted.

Still thinking 'bout what to do and say
Still hoping that we'd see each other
And you'd listen, not turn away

Convincing myself it's still worth it
Telling myself you did, and still care
Searching for truths in this tangle
Doing my best not to despair

And I wonder, what if I just give it up
Would it make any difference to you
What if I stop holding on to this bond
In your world, would it alter a thing or two

When I'm gone, do you honestly think
That you would, somehow, miss me too
Or would you just go on and live life as if
I never really meant anything to you

You're hurting me, are you even aware
Of that and of how this heart is bleeding
We're supposed to be friends and yet in this  pain
Seems I'm all alone in suffering

- 16TH November 2001

Sa EDSA.



Kung ang pupuntahan mo’y daraanan ang EDSA
Huwag kang sasakay sa de-aircon na bus
Dahil bukod sa holdapan at masangsang na sari-saring amoy ‘pag rush hour
Ay kakikitiran ka rin ng paningin.
Itatago ng mga frosted na bintana at saradong kurtina
Ang tanawin at buhay na s’yang kaluluwa ng EDSA.

Kung ang papupuntahan mo’y daraanan ang EDSA
Magmasid-masid ka.
Makinig at makiramdam ‘di lamang sa mama o aleng katabi mo na mandurukot pala
Kun’di sa kalakaran ng mga nilalang na pumaparoo’t-parito sa kaligiran ng EDSA.

Kung ang papupuntahan mo’y daraanan ang EDSA
Pansinin mo at paghambing-hambingin
Ang pagkakapareho’t pagkakaiba-iba
Ng mga tao at kabuhayang kinakatawan ng bawat loading at unloading points –
Ang magulong masa ng Rotonda,
Mga de-klaseng tao ng Ortigas at Ayala,
Estudyante’t blue-collar workers ng Boni, Quezon Av at Buendia
Guadalupe, Cubao, Mantrade
Kamuning, Annapolis at Estrella
Samu’t –saring kuwento ng bayan mula Taft hanggang SM North.
Mga kasaysayang umiikot sa kahabaan ng EDSA.

Kung ang pupuntahan mo’y daraanan ang EDSA
Mag-isip ka.
Ano ang ipinahihiwatig ng mga eksenang nakkita mo
At ano ang papel mo sa lahat ng ito
Hanapin mo ang aral sa bawat tagpo ng buhay na matatanawan mo
Sa kahabaan ng makasaysayang lansangang kung tawagin
Ay EDSA.



16th November 2001

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